I just spent a few minutes reading Lihui's blog, and many things came to mind. So, this is dedicated to her, as well as those who feel the same as I do:
For me, Guides wasn't my choice originally. So when Mr Ang told me about the change, I wasn't exactly very enthusiastic about it. For now, I even forgot why I placed Guides as my third choice. I guess it was Shermaine - not our batch one.. Haha.. It just feels right.
So my first year in Guides, similar to Lihui's, isn't exactly fun. There isn't what you would call the love for the CCA, although we have to say that we love it. Its kinda ironic, but that's the truth. We couldn't understand a lot of things, why seniors did this, did that to us, and felt very very unfair. That was the time when I don't really like activities, but I love hanging out with my patrolmates - from P1. We have exactly the same arguments for things, would take it out and thrash it out, and reason everything out. Pinqi would tell us all the political stuff, Gladia would try to reason them out, Kay would often be the one who speak out for us in front of the seniors, while Mich will be all the way behind everyone, giving us her very moral support. What we didn't realize is that we are actually being very much "zhao gu-ed" by our seniors, who will care for us and also scold us at the same time. That's probably why we didn't really see the care and concern, but magnify the scenes of evaluation.
The second year, we became seniors to our juniors. That is when some things came into light. Then we became more understanding why seniors used to ask us to do such things. Because there is very little the sec1s can do. At the same time, there can be a lot of things to learn from serving others. I also learnt that through Prefectorial Board.. It is something that not everybody will exactly know how to do. And the most basic thing is Guides is to learn how to serve isn't it? I mean, if you don't know how to wipe tables, how to clean up, how are you going to instruct others to do so when you are the seniors? You probably don't even know where to start.. To get things doing, people will have to know what they need to do.. I don't know if I make sense.. But anyway..
On the bi-annual evaluation, it suddenly struck me that I was actually too harsh and too serious on some stuff. I totally neglected people's good points, but just focused on their bad points, therefore appearing as someone who is very fierce, too serious blah blah blah. But I learn my lesson, I really do..
It was only in the second year that I fully understand our seniors' intentions. They just want to pass on what they have learnt to their juniors, to give them all the knowledge they have, to help them to become better guides. The most precious things were then given to us - their time. But we chose not to take it. We chose to have freedom, to have our own rest time. That was a bit of tension in the sec1 years.. But well, it's all over now. I think we still owe an apology - Sorry seniors!
Then in the middle of our second year, we changed patrols due to the system. It was sort of a hard time for me. But eventually everyone got adapted to the new patrols. I was happy to have a very dedicated PL, at the same time, Melissa and Jasmin, who got along very well with the PL. OK, that person is Joanne. Together with my new-found patrol mates - SX, Yuting, Fangming, we walked through many activities.
PLTC was great. That was by far my most loved camp out of all the camps. Eh, not because of the guys, but because there was less tension. I learnt not to take things too seriously, to accept them when it comes, and from then on, I swear, I came to like Guides more. Then the seniors left us, leaving the whole 37th batch to take over. Honestly I couldn't really remember much from then on, other than the fact that I really enjoyed those days.
With Linying, in the Guides room, trying our best to keep a place for all Guides, to maintain order, to fulfill our responsibilities. I swear, WE definitely Love our Job. And I also found a very good friend - Linying. =D Hehe, although it might sound funny. Though we have been in the same batch for like 3 years or so, we didn't really get close until we were put together. Then we realised we have many many things in common. The way we think, the way we do things, our ideas, and even our academic results just differ by one or two marks for most of the subjects. [Although there was still a very big difference in height.. =( ]
Ever since last year's ATC, I came to learn more and more things of Guides. Standing at the very top level, I began to see things more clearly. There was even more displeasure with the juniors because they simply do not do what you say, or do not even care. Then I began thinking, was I like that when I was at their age? So I tried to understand what they are feeling, and tried to help whenever I can. Tradition is a very touchy problem from then - good traditions were meant to be kept, those which are redundant were meant to be modified and changed - for the better. For the betterment of Guides, why not? Why cling on to those useless ones, I thought.. But well, something I have to mention, juniors of these days were very different from those days. The way they think, talk, act, are very different. But that's how the whole batch of people are changing each and every day, isn't it? I am sure we are very different from our seniors as well!
Therefore, there is a must to change how things work. All those activities are dead, but we people are alive. To make people love Guides is a tough job, honest. To make them committed to Guides is even harder. There will always be power struggle, no matter what age you are. That is for sure. And to talk it out and thrash it out like what we would do, even in my last year in Guides, would certainly make the picture clearer. And then we would think - no big deal. It happens every day. Just live along with it, and treat it as a part of your life.
Also, it became even clearer at the top level. You begin to see what people should not do, for the benefit of others. Like talking when others are talking. Like singing when there are exams. Like being selfish and not caring for the rest of your patrolmates, or other patrols. These things magnify because you are at a better position to see. That is when you mature to see things from a different point of view, for me at the very least.
To become a leader - you have to bring responsibilities with you. To clear all the mess the others made. It will always sound bad, but it will have to happen, no matter what. Nothing is ever smooth-sailing, and life will be boring if that really happens. Just think that those things are there to make good things sound even better (like your patrolmates). Then, I hope, we would get to enjoy life even more.
I always remember what YT told me when I was a sec one: "You will understand after you become a senior." That inspired me a lot to grow with Guides and to see what it's really like at a higher level. It sort of promises more learning, more growing and stuff like that.
OK. thats the end of my big idea. Hopefully you guys are not sleeping now...
{autumngardens}
